so today i talked to a woman who i’m pretty sure is schizophrenic, not because i trust my armchair diagnosis but because she started our conversation by saying that she used to think she was schizophrenic, but she knows better now. she told me about the spirits that take people over and make bad things happen with EMP’s only she said it like ‘imp’ but I know she knew what it was, she knew the abbreviation, the two things, the two concepts had just blurred for her. she was sure of these things, and of course I mean of course she needed help and i hope she finds a way or someone or something or the next person she encounters who can help her, does.
but she was so sweet, like you could just tell she was as a person. and underneath things that were obviously the disease were these concepts that i got the sense were values she holds regardless of her mental state and things that had happened in her life, she talked about not always trusting people just because they seemed like you. and i mean of course she said it was because the EMP’s could have them and you wouldn’t know, but at the same time that’s also true and a thing people sometimes feel. and she told me to stay safe, and stay above the bad things, and that you have to keep above the bad things to be the goddess you are supposed to be. she told me that she wrote poetry and did readings sometimes and i wondered if she meant now, or before she stopped thinking she was schizophrenic. i hope she meant now because it means she has something in her life that she is connected to, and i feel like if anyone who is a good person knows her and sees her regularly they know she is a sweet person and that means there is someone who cares about her and wants her to be okay.
she told me she could tell i had a kind soul, or a caring soul, it was something sweet like that and i told her i thought the same of her. she wanted to give me a nickel for planned parenthood (i told her i wanted her to have it) because she thought it was a good thing, even though she thought the EMP’s were controlling all of it anyway she told me what i was doing was good, but i should know that they were doing that, so i could be prepared. so i could watch out.
i hope things turn out okay for her. i don’t know how things went for her in the first place, i don’t know how she found out she was schizophrenic i don’t know what medications she was or wasn’t on or what they did or what it was or wasn’t worth it to her to go off of them. i’m assuming a lot, anyway. but you can’t be stable and okay mostly, when your mind doesn’t see what’s there and especially when it sees things that aren’t. so i hope she gets some help or learns to work within what she does see or, something. she was such a sweet person.