“Okay, hey! I’ve got something to say to you, man. I break for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children, and I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person. That’s just weird, and it freaks me out. And I’m sorry I don’t talk like Murphy Brown and I hate your pantsuit, I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it just slightly cuter? And that doesn’t mean I’m not smart, and tough, and strong!”