i feel sedated and half-present more like a quarter or an eighth, i’m half-present normally. i’m not present. i’ve spent all but a few hours of the last 2 days sleeping/in bed. i don’t understand. i mean i do, but i also don’t. if there were some kind of life structure in place to catch me i wouldn’t fall here. but there isn’t and i do. i guess it’s good that i’m noticing, there was a time when this was “normal” and i can’t forget that lest i become demoralized. i should go to sleep but it’s like, barely different from being awake right now and it’s hard to see the point.