i am making such a failure/mess out of this weekend already and today we had to go to new jersey and i ate ice cream cake which was bad because now i feel sick but like, duh, it’s my own fucking fault and we watched football which for once i would have been fine with, i spent like an hour yesterday asking d football questions to get a concept of the whole thing, but one of the people there, was really into the game and every time they scored or like, anything happened she would scream. like she was being murdered, only it was like triumphant or something? and i, even my mom said i handled it really well in terms of like, being rude/making a big deal/whatever but it fucking shredded my nerves. i stopped trying to follow the game, because i couldn’t follow it well enough to predict when the screaming would happen, and it was just really abrasive and like having a shrieking alarm go off at random only at least mechanical sounds don’t have that affecting quality that the human voice has. like, my brain went, there is a person screaming, panic!!!! every fucking time.

who can predict a thing like that? it’s so ridiculous but my brain is completely fried. we’re home now, at least. my thoughts are like a big melted, possibly boiling, vat of sludge. my brain is a vat of sludge.

that’s not just because of the random screaming i guess, but it really didn’t help? i don’t know. obviously nothing is in order in here.