December 2011
someone broke into my mom’s car and stole her briefcase. her personal cell phone and ipod were in it. her ipod was engraved with a message from her girlfriend. she feels demoralized and as she put it ‘unreasonably sad’. she apologized for being upset. d told her that was ridiculous. for whatever reason i’m a lot calmer now then i was before, but i would rather still be...
i want to throw a fit. i want to stomp and cry and sob about how i feel this and i feel that. maybe i should, then i might be able to think more rationally and see more clearly. except i won’t because i would rather stay quiet. that doesn’t make any sense. i’m being bizarre, anyway, trust me.
the endless struggle of an emotionally needy flake
possible autobiography title
Watchwell before my train hysteria/crying/etc. (bonus part of that? it was a crowded train but fucking NO ONE sat next to me.. i may try to recreate the unhinged sobbing mess vibe in the future, it was that effective) i was waiting for the 2 at penn station and, these three women were singing on the platform.
usually i find even the good performers to be way too fucking loud with the way sound echoes...
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“Many explain that they were shamed or teased for having an interest in dress and...”
– http://jezebel.com/5871822/the-right-way-to-talk-to-young-girls-about-beauty
i experienced it more as, it was always just a given that the things i liked were less important than other things, that the things i got excited over were silly, that when i was in my element i was always part joke, the...
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hysterical train breakdown
i really hate how i feel today. right now? i really do. i really do. i hate this train and the people on it not for any reason other than they probably don’t feel like this. i wish i was never alone ever. i hate that i don’t see this feeling coming, i feel unsettled and dissociative and im not sure why and i fade and i fade and i think im tired but im not, it builds. and now i cant...
my brain hurts i can’t be endlessly likeable and understood i can only be what i am when i am that
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i can’t stop reading that article over, she was everything her son had, i’m 23 and the idea of my mom.. that is terrifying. and he’s just a child, i can’t. i know people lose people and sometimes horribly but to lose your only parent when that parent is.. everything, in the way she must have been.. it’s, i just can’t imagine. or i can’t imagine how that...
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http://m.jezebel.com/5871582/your-morning-cry-singl... →
oh wow i seriously have to go hug my mom
“If you are a woman, if you’re a person of colour, if you are gay, lesbian,...”
– Margaret Cho (via thechocolatebrigade)
my mother just tried to explain to me why she’s happier, like ridiculously so, when the house is clean. i think i kind of forgot that she owns the house, but not like i forgot that, but i forgot the implications? owning something is such an enormous responsibility, i think my mind mostly chooses not to conceive of owning something as enormous as a house. i mean, i could spend an hour...
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doughdeer:
people who whine about being depressed h8 life etc
when they havent even been fully diagnosed properly
give me da shits
omg self diagnosis is so kool xoxoxooxo
its not cool to have depression nor is it cool to have any other mental disorders
depression isn’t cool, and acting depressed/affecting any kind of mental disorder to appear or seem cool is not cool but equating...
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glompkitty:
yousaytheydontcare replied to your post: roserelease replied to your post: I don’t watch or…
aw i guess that is true thinking about it now, either way though i hope you feel better soon. & yeah i haven’t even seen the xmas special yet but i think you’ve pinpointed what’s felt so.. empty? off, something, about the show since he took over.
Oh man, don’t get me started on the BS...
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up until a few minutes ago i hadn’t updated my blog in 3 days
it wasn’t hard at all
friday was a great day, i have wonderful friends. you know how i say that saying stuff instead of doing it makes me not do it, or makes it… less real? i didn’t realize that didn’t count for saying realities. saying realities makes them even more real. i have wonderful friends.
...
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Chicken - performed by making one’s arms into wings by putting the hands onto one’s chest, extending the elbows outwards and flapping them, often accompanied by chicken noises (bwuck-bwuck-bwuck!).
Blowing a raspberry or Bronx cheer signifies derision by sticking out the tongue and blowing to create a sound similar to flatulence.
Puppy face consists of tilting the head down with eyes...
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“Americans are encouraged to vote, but not to participate more meaningfully in...”
– Noam Chomsky - Interventions (via noam-chomsky)
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sswollen replied to your post: do you ever just want to set fire to all of your…
I’d do the same,I mean about the arm. I don’t think I could survive the pain from cutting off my own arm anyways. And maaan, if I were there I could totally organize yr room ‘cause I really like to organize things
i actually like organizing too, it’s just… you know when things are past organizing?...
do you ever just want to set fire to all of your things, because then they wouldn’t be there anymore? i mean, i don’t want to lose all my things. i don’t. really. but, my room has just become too much of a nightmare. we’ll never sort through it all, my mind says. it’s just not possible. and it needs to not be like that anymore. it NEEDS to. so, we (my mind and i)...
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i love antibiotics so much omg
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